Geography of the Sexes

September 23, 2009

Geography Of A Woman


Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!


Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.


Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.


Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.


Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious  and all conquering past.


Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war, doesn’t make the same mistakes twice; takes care of business.


Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.


After 70, she becomes Tibet.  Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages…. she has an adventurous spirit and still has a thirst for knowledge, especially spiritual knowledge.


GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN


Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran, ruled by nuts.


THE END


Mexican Words of the Day

September 23, 2009

1. *Cheese*   The teacher told Pepito to use the word cheese in a sentence. Pepito replies:   Maria likes me, but cheese fat.

2. *Mushroom*  When all my family get in the car, there’s not mushroom

3. *Shoulder*   My fren wanted 2 become a citizen but she didn’t  know how to read so I shoulder.

4. * Texas *   My fren always Texas me when I’m not home wondering where I’m at!

5. *Herpes*   Me and my fren ordered pizza. I got mine piece and she got herpes.

6. *July*     Ju told me ju were going to tha store and July to me! Julyer!

7. *Rectum*   I had 2 cars but my amigo rectum!

8. *Chicken*   I was going to go to the store with my wife but chicken go herself.

9. *Wheelchair*     We only have one enchilada left, but don’t worry wheelchair

10. *Chicken wing*    My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing

11. *Harassment*   My wife caught me in bed with another women and I told her  “honey, harassment nothing to me.”

12. *Bishop*     My wife fell down the stair so I had to pick the bishop.

13. *Body wash*    I want to go to the club but no body wash my kids.

14. *Budweiser*   That women over there has a nice body, budweiser face so ugly?


Who REALLY killed the ‘puter?

August 25, 2009

Computer Hell

Some times troubleshooting a computer (motherboard)  is just a bitch.

Usually I have all the patience in the world when it comes to repairing pc’s and dealing with their owners. Not this weekend though.   No, this one was starting to damage my calm.    Before painting circles on the shiny HP case  (for target practice of course), I discussed the issue with my  cohorts over at Tech Republic, and with so may great tips put down in one place, I figured I might as well share.

Here is a loose transcription for:

The HP MOBO… how can you be SURE it’s really the problem?

Not certain if it is the mobo, psu, or video card. I’m working on a HP a6303w with an Asus IPIBL-LB mobo (with no led indicator) and a 300 watt psu. Sometimes within 10 seconds of start up, it will shut itself down momentarily then power back up and stay on.  I get NO beeps, even with EVERYTHING disconnected. The fans come on, and all devices have power, but nothing responds. The monitor will say no signal and go to sleep and won’t wake up. the keyboard may or may not flash but never powers on up. The dvd drive will open and close but never sounds like it’s spinning/reading.

I have swapped memory, cleared cmos, replaced the battery, and reset the psu. I tried contacting both HP and ASUS, but frankly, they were useless.

1. Not much you can do here other

OH Smeg – 08/20/09 Than replace the PS. These things use at least 3 different Voltage Rails and if one is down while the unit may seem to work it’s not either getting enough or any power to at least one of those circuits.

By the sounds of your description it sounds as if either the 5 V DC or 1.3 V DC rails are either not producing any Voltage or are way down on current. Replacing the PS may get it working again but it is just as likely that the Faulty PS has taken the M’Board along for the ride and if this has a AMD CPU I would expect that as well to be no longer working.

It’s just that the AMD Chip Sets don’t seem to isolate the CPU’s as well as Intel Chip Sets do from nasty things happening.

Col

1.1. 3 strikes, and I’m still out…

twilazoned – 08/21/09 Thanks for the fast response!

I had just returned to find your response after replacing the ps with two diff ones, but each had the same result. When I press the power button, everything comes on strong, lasts a few seconds, powers down like it’s dead for about 3 seconds, then boots back up and stays running. Still, none of the devices actually WORK, they just have power.

I did notice that the heat sink was totally gunked up. I cleaned it, the cpu (Intel, btw), and reapplied some fresh thermal grease. Wondering if it got overheated after seeing how thick as the gunk was.

Also noticed that the hdd led doesn’t flicker at all after the second power up. It just stays solid.

I just want to make sure it IS the mobo before I shell out that kind of money.

1.1.1. I was going to say, clean the processor, but you beat me to it..

Peconet Tietokoneet – 08/21/09 The first port of call to me would be the processor, but you have cleaned that. By the way did you apply a very,very small amount of thermal paste to the processor? With that done the second would be the power supply unit.
Another thing you can try out.. IS the computer in question Overclocked? Have a look in the BIOS and then select “Default settings”, then “save and exit”.
If that does not work then a new motherboard will be the next choice.

1.1.1.1. Overclocked??

twilazoned – 08/21/09 Oh yes, I reapplied the grease, but unless there is a way to find out without reading a monitor, I have no idea if it’s overclocked. When it starts up, the monitor says no signal, going to sleep. (and yes, i put in a new video card to tbs)

1.1.1.1.1. Depending on the M’Board here

OH Smeg – 08/21/09You can look at the Jumpers on it or Clear the BIOS to remove any Overclocking that may have been present. Though if the M’Board CPU has suffered because of Overclocking it will not undo any of the damage.

Col

1.1.2. A thought….

—TK— – 08/21/09 I would look all over the Mobo for a blown compositor… If you find a “popped cap” that could and would cause this issue. They are the little cylinder looking things with a “x” on top. They should be level, not bumped up, or worse case leaking acid.

you can google “Popped cap” (Images) and find what they can look like if you have never seen it before.

Added: I should have read Jacky Howe’s post before posting…

1.1.2.1. Popped caps?

twilazoned – 08/21/09 Had never heard that term before! Actually, I did go back and take a detailed look at them after you and Jack’s suggestion, however, they all look fine.

1.1.3. MOBO problems

dpalsen – 08/21/09 Easiest way to tell if it’s the PSU is to look at the BIOS and check if your CPU is overheated, as in most modern BIOSes, it will tell you. If it isn’t POSTing, are there any beep codes, or is there any way to look at the MOBO and find a troubleshooting light or some such.

As for it powering back on with the HDD LED not coming on, try unplugging all of the drives, and see if it will at least make it past POST. The other thought is to try a video card, but I’m REALLY skeptical that that would be the problem. I’m really leaning motherboard on this one.

1.1.3.1. No bells or whistles…

twilazoned – 08/21/09 I am almost traumatized by this HP. I finally realized that I wasn’t hearing any post codes because there was no on board speaker installed on her pc! Add to that NO led on the mobo, and the realization that it was put out with a cheesy 250 w ps, and I find I have never been so disappointed in an HP product.

Asus doesn’t even have support for the mb (because it’s OEM) and the 1st Asus sepport guy stopped me cold and said “oh I can’t tell you a thing about it. I don’t have any manuals, specs, information, nothing”.  I said, “but you made it” and he says “yeah but really, HP just called and said hey we need you to make us some mobo’s, and we just cranked them up and shipped them out”.  So don’t expect any kind of support from Asus if it’s an OEM board.  The second 2nd Asus support guy (who was really cool btw) helped me out anyhow and said the only things left would be that’s it’s either grounding out or fried.

About to pull that puppy out and see if it’ll bark on a sheet of cardboard…

1.1.3.1.1. New motherboard

bwilmot@… – 08/22/09 If it is one of the older AMD sockets (939) you may find a decent price at ascendtech.

I just replaced one this last weekend (HP AMBERINEM-GL6E S.939 2000FSB MBOARD, 5188-2526) 75.99 If it is the same style, be aware that the MB next to it (same page, bottom left and right) is the same but with composite out. (if not still a good source for other boards).

http://www.ascendtech.us/index.asp?FSCat=302&url=IND&iFromFeatured=1

Edited to add; You can find cheaper 939 boards, but this saved me hours by not needing to do a repair, updates, ect.

2. Also

Jacky Howe – 08/21/09 Check the Capacitors around the CPU for swelling or bulging. They should have a flat head with a cross indent.

2.1. If the Capacitors are OK

Jacky Howe – 08/21/09 and it’s starting and running I wouldn’t suspect the CPU. They normally work or they don’t.

Carefully remove everything from the Motherboard. Remove the Motherboard and put it on an anti-static mat on a bench. Remove the Power Supply if it is a known working good one to test with. Remove the Heatsink and give it a good clean. Remove the CPU and reseat it. Reinstall the Heatsink remembering to use CPU grease. Clean the golden edge of each memory stick and the video card with a soft rubber/eraser, remembering not to touch the golden edge. Reseat the RAM and test with one stick at a time. Connect the Video Card. Connect the Power supply to the Motherboard. You can use a flat blade Screwdriver to short the Power pins on the Motherboard if you haven’t got a spare switch. Connect the Monitor and turn it on and see what happens. If it stars up add one Device at a time to test it. If it doesn’t then the Motherboard has failed.


Military Mischief

August 22, 2009

Army Humor

THANK GOD THEY CAN STILL MAINTAIN THEIR SENSE OF HUMOR OVER THERE!

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Army Humor

THANK GOD THEY CAN STILL MAINTAIN THEIR SENSE OF HUMOR OVER THERE!

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How Things Are Done In The South!

May 7, 2009

Yep, looks like one of my family members got buck ass wild with the camera again….


25 On the Lighter Side

February 13, 2009

This is NOT another meme (esp since I said the last one would BE the last one), however, looking back over it now I realize it’s heavy on the serious side. So these 25 things about me will show the not-so-serious side.

1.  When I was very young I studied tap dancing, baton, and piano, but was never more than average at any of them.

2.  I wanted to be the first female Blue Angel (Navy Pilot), the first female NASCAR driver, and a few other female “firsts” but got beat out ever time, damnit!

3.  I’m the worst klutz on the planet. I broke my ankle just walking across a concrete floor, established the premise that I do NOT chew gum and walk at the same time.

4.  I slipped off the edge of an extremely high waterfall coming out of a cavern. I thought I was fubar, but turned out it was like going down a giant slip-n-slide. Played there the rest of the day.

5.  I should be dead. I should have  been hit head on in the middle of that bridge by the 18 wheeler that came out of the fog 10 foot in front of me. I knew I was about to die, and I closed my eyes, gripped the wheel, and wondered how badly it would hurt. When the hit never came, and I opened my eyes and was somehow “moved”… car and all… out of the way… cuh-ray-zee.

6.  With enough coffee and chocolate I could rule the world.

7.  I believe in performing random acts of kindness just because I can. I like to catch people off guard and make them smile.

8.  I’m a cat person, but have a mini puppy at the moment. Odd…

9.  I’ve been dying my hair since the age of 18. Why? You remember Lilly Munster, or the mom at the end of Poltergeist? Yeah, these silver shocks of hair coming from the temples. UUGH!

10.  I’m a hockey fanatic, but only for live games.

11.  When I was 7, all I wanted for XMAS was a 3 story Barbie townhouse. What I got was a telescope and a microscope. Real ones, not toys. I’ve never been without a telescope since.

12.  I camp out in the darkest fields on the darkest night to watch every visible meteor shower. The sky appears like black velvet with a million glistening diamonds strewn up it, and I make a hundred wishes on a hundred shooting stars….

13.  I am a good swimmer, but afraid of the water if I enter it “unexpectedly” which is why I don’t ski. With my over-active imagination, Michael Myers or Jason Vorhees are lurking beneath the surface, ready to grab me and pull me under.

14.  Aside from the normal pets (dogs n cats) I’ve had a ferret, a skunk, and a vietnamese pot-bellied pig for pets.

15.  I create stained glass pieces, mosaics, and other nifty crafty things.

16.  I’m great at antique restoration and interior remodeling.

17.  I can work with lumber and power tools as well as any damned man. Same goes for most car repairs. My daddy taught me well.

18.  My daddy also taught me how to shoot almost every type of firearm better than most men I know.

19.  I love love LOVE the mountains. Climbing, hiking, river rafting, cave exploring… I love the beauty of nature… and the peace it brings when you leave the house/job/hassles behind for just a while.

20.  My “to do before I turn 30” list included para-sailing and repelling. I still haven’t had the chance to do either one, but still hope to someday.

21.  I’ve been a rock collector since I was about 5 and my daddy gave me a hammer and had me bust open my first rock… so plain on the outside, such beauty inside. Even have my own rock tumbler/polisher.

22.  I am an avid hunter of prehistoric fossils , arrowheads and other native American artifacts. Where I live was once covered by an ancient ocean millions of years ago, and plenty of evidence left behind.

23.  Some of my “friends in high places” head up a few of the states paranormal research agencies, and yes, I’m also a ghost hunter.

24.  I would give almost anything to be able to fully explore the likes of Pompeii, Herculaneum, a lost temple in Peru, or ancient ruins anywhere…

25.  I will always see the world through rose colored glasses. The glass will always be half full, and the possibilities endless. I will probably always see people for more than they are… knowing that if they could look in a mirror and see themselves the way I see them, they would have as much faith in themselves as I have in them.


25 Things about me (and the last meme I will EVER do}

February 13, 2009

Now, very seldom do I do these memes, however, because I was tagged by a few people I truly adore, I decided to do this one last time. And it WILL be the last!

When I read through the 25 things my friends had written, I was amazed to learn so much about them. They didn’t add “fillers or “fluff”, and seemed to me they really shared parts of themselves, and I must say, I was pleased to learn so much about them that I didn’t have a clue about. So, with that, I will try to be as equally forthcoming.

**Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.

1. My given name at birth was Jean-Marie Josephine, but I was adopted and my name was changed to Twila Marie.

2. I was adopted by my birth aunt/uncle, and the result is not a family tree, but a crazy ass vine. My birth mother became my cousin, my grandfather became my uncle, and my uncle became my dad.

3. When I was a baby, I had pneumonia so bad I almost died, and it weakened my lungs, I have asthma and I’ve had a lung to collapse “just ‘cause”, and yet I smoke. (but really DO want to quit).

4. I attended Catholic school even though I’ve never been catholic, and have attended private Baptist and Non-Denom Christian Academies.

5. I have been going to college off and on since 1987 (times off for marriage, a kid, divorce, work, life in gen) and still don’t have a degree. I’ve changed my major three times, and even though I’m a senior at ASU and like what I’m going for, it’s still NOT what I want to do.

6. What DO I want to do? What I’ve always wanted to do… archeology. It’s my passion. When my mother was alive she wouldn’t hear of it. I should have changed it the day after she died. I thought about it, but felt the guilt reaching from the grave.

7. When I was 13 (1980) my sis was married to an ex NASA man (Apollo 11) and he was a leader in computer tech back then, resulting in my first pc, the Tandy TRS 80. This started my love of tech.

8. When I was 16 I went to live with sis in SC and audited summer classes at the college where the bro-in-law taught. There he taught me robotics, and I had one named “HERO” that I was responsible for programming and demonstrating at events. Tech geek status engrained forever.

9. I met the first person I ever truly loved then, and ended up breaking his heart, and I’ve never forgiven myself for it.

10. I was paid back for hurting him by falling in love again, and losing him. I came back to Ark to visit my parents for Christmas, and he died while I was gone. Heart murmur. I never went back to SC after that.

11. When I was 19 we found out dad had lung cancer. Promising I would not let him go to a nursing home, I dropped out of college (the 1st time) to care for him. The doc gave him 3-6 months, he lived over a year.

12. When my father could no longer bear the pain of the cancer (it had paralyzed one side of his body), he took out a snub-nosed 38 and shot himself in the forehead. I was in the next room with my mother when he did it. I was 20 yrs old.

13. My mother made it through the funeral, but collapsed that same night while walking through the kitchen. She simply…shut down… and never came back to me. I spent the next year taking care of her, still keeping my promise to my dad. She died 13 months after my father did… of a broken heart.

14. I always wanted a marriage like my parents had. True love. I never once saw them have an argument. When I was 18 I told my mother this, and she just laughed and laughed, and said “well of course we had disagreements, and even a few arguments…we just never had them in front of YOU”.

15. Between the deaths of my father and mother, I married the man who would become my son’s father. Everyone kept telling me it was the thing to do. He would HELP me. As soon as he HELPED me spend my inheritance, he was gone.

16. I married my 2nd husband after living with him for 3 years. Within a week of marriage he hit me for the first time, and told me that since I was now his wife, I had no right to my own opinions because everything I did reflected on him, so he was God.

17. It didn’t take but a few beatings for me to say “I want a divorce”. His answer was shoving a sawed off shotgun into my chest and telling me “You will never leave me, and I will never leave you! I will kill you first, and then myself, and you’ll be buried next to me, and spend all of eternity in Hell with me, but you will NEVER be rid of me”

18. My son’s grandfather was chief of police at the time. The next beating and a call to him ensured I WOULD be rid of him, and I was.

19. I was left with no money (wasn’t allowed to work) and no car, and all the bills with a child to care for. I turned to meth, and it paid the bills.

20. Until my cousin got busted for drugs, and he set me up to save himself. I went to prison for 2 ½ years, losing my child, my parents home…everything.

21. When I got out of prison, I had nothing but the $100 check they give you when you leave. I didn’t even have clothes, and had to wear my prison uniform into my local bank to cash the check. That was 10 years ago.

22. I got out, got a job, got my son back, worked days and went to college nights. I met a man in my church I thought was the answer to my prayers. After living with him OVER A YEAR, I found out he was a registered sex offender in another state. So yeah, that ended about 4 years ago.

23. I still want what my parents had, but I don’t believe it exists in this world anymore, and even if it did, I doubt I would ever again believe in a man enough to find out,

24. I’m still single, still raising my son, still working, and still going to college when I can. I barely make ends meet, but I’m doing it on my own terms, and I can live with that.

25. I still believe in goodness, kindness, compassion, honesty, laughter, and doing whatever I can to help others, and to make them smile and laugh. It is a driving force, really… because I know how much life can hurt… and I know how much a simple kindness can take so much of the pain away.

**To pass this on, && go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app, then click post.)


Someone wrote a song about ME? Hot Damn!

November 22, 2008

Apparently Anthony Smith set my bio to music, so you know I just HAD to share…


Desiderata

November 14, 2008

written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920s, I find this to be was of the most eloquently understated things ever written…. simply beautiful and inspirational…

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.


A Strange Animal: An Essay On Love

November 12, 2008

My love wrote this for me, and I found it so beautiful, I want to share it.

From Idaho~

Hi baby,
Wrote something today, hope you like it. I just felt inspired…Truth is you inspire me.

A strange animal

Life can be a strange animal. People don’t generally realize that contrary to the illusion of control most of us strive to maintain, we have little control over our destiny; our end result is something that none of us can fix. Sure, we can struggle with the invisible forces that exist, and some people actually think they are in control; I suspect that illusion is a comfort mechanism granted by powers way beyond human understanding. Without this internal illusion of control I believe the intellect would crumble and surely destroy us by way of insanity. It should be realized that all things are subjective and open to interpretation and this expressed opinion is what I have come to believe as a truth after experiencing life for only four and a half decades. Greater understanding may be waiting for me just around the corner.

It is my understanding that these powers (as I call them) do reason with and seeks to communicate with the human condition. The manifestation of this interaction takes many forms and detection is purely a personal event uniquely individual to the person that makes contact; this is because the human condition is geared in such a way that we all see what it is that we want to see, and no two people experience an object or event exactly the same way. It can be an extremely difficult task to convince someone that what they know to be true isn’t true at all, and dealing with such a paradoxical power can harvest great rewards as well as great tragedy.

I have found that in my short and sometimes trying life history, and through no doing of my own, an intense absorbing, a very recognizable interplay with this power (as I call it) has been impossible for me to escape. It has allowed me and denied me many things in my life; but truthfully stated I have always received much more than I have ever been denied. The sense of protection from life’s indifference is deeply rooted inside me on all levels and completely undeniable within my heart; I belong to this power and it has my best interest somewhere in the forefront of all that it does. I need not understand this event to know that it is true, and if I am wrong then I have lost nothing in my belief, but only gained greater understanding if and when proof is made clear to me.

After all that I have experienced in life’s greatest gifts; I stand at a doorway and it has been given to me, this power to keep and recognize as my own. With it a final resting place of contentment, of peace, with tranquility of body and mind. A place that I have never been yet has always been inside of me. This flower that unfolds to its greatest bloom has found after all things, love. It has been given to me from within you, a perfect gift to lift my soul. Through you I have finally seen all that I can ever be, a gift of love. This gift is yours to keep. I love you Twila.

**I love you too, Idaho!**