I miss him.
As my birthday approaches, he is the only gift my soul desires.
I miss the days when we played in the sun. I miss our time at the lake, and fishing with him, and that look on his face when I hooked the biggest bass of my life – so huge I freaked and tried to make him take the pole, but he just howled with laughter and made me do it on my own. I miss the countless hours we spent driving the winding back roads, taking in the scenic beauty, away from the world, talking and laughing. I miss the waterfalls, the hikes, and the woods. I still smile at the way he looked when I ran that crazy, rabid looking bat out of the little store, and I still cringe when I think about him hanging upside down from that tree over the side of the cliff.
I miss the evenings at his place when he would read to me from his Grandfather’s journal. I miss dinner with his family, and those fabulous meals his mom would make while his dad worked on homemade candy for later. I miss throwing darts with him, and listening to his stories. I loved watching him – the intense, animated way he would tell them- making me feel like I was there when it happened… a part of the story.
I miss the nights we spent watching t.v. in bed, with Mona the cat jealously trying to edge me off the bed. I still think about the night we took a blanket to the field to watch the meteor shower. I made a dozen wishes on a dozen shooting stars that night, and I remember every one, which is really quite amazing considering how many beers we had that night. I miss the feeling of safety, security, warmth, and love I fell asleep with every night, laying there next to him. I miss waking up in the middle of the night, and loving it because I got to lay there and stare at him, memorizing everything about him. I miss the scent of him. I even miss his snoring.
I miss the mornings the most. I miss waking up next to him. I miss our morning banter over coffee as we reminisced about the day before and made plans for the day ahead. I miss waking up, and looking at him, and knowing that for that day, we were still together, and I tried not to think ahead to the day I would fly back home, or the days thereafter.
It’s been over a year since I’ve seen him in person, but I see him everyday in my mind, and every night in my dreams. I wish he didn’t haunt me so. I feel his presence when I’m alone in the woods, and hear his laughter in the wind.
No matter how much two people may want the same thing, sometimes love just isn’t enough, and dreams simply don’t come true. They remain what they are… just dreams.
I miss him…my lover…my strength…my best friend… and my birthday wish is for him.
I wish him love. I wish him inner peace. I wish him a lifetime of blessings and happiness.
*and with these wishes, she closes her eyes, and blows out her candles*