Cow Tipping: An Arkansas Tradition

October 31, 2010

The stereotypical Arkansas pastime of days gone by. This is what your grandparents did for fun (or at least that’s what the Northerners think).

Don’t try this at home!

Difficulty: Easy

Time Required: 60 minutes

Here’s How:

1. Get extremely drunk or extremely bored. Moonshine whiskey makes for the best cow tipping experience, but extreme boredom (teenagers with nothing to do) will suffice.

2. Bring friends. Cow tipping is no fun without company!

3. Find a pasture with cows. Everyone knows that everyone in Arkansas has cows so that won’t be hard.

4. Go at night so that you won’t see the cow pies as you step in them…oh yeah, the cows will be asleep too.

5. Find an isolated cow and be sure it’s sleeping.

6. Approach the cow against the wind. If you’ve been stepping in cow pies all night, the cow will smell you for sure if you are upwind of her and will run from the stench.

7. Go for the tip! In a creeping motion, walk toward the cow, place both hands on one of its flanks, and push with a hard, but smooth stroke.

8. RUN far away. The cow will wake up and tell all her friends about your stunt and they will stampede. The farmer won’t be happy either (you don’t want a hiney full of buckshot do you?).

9. Go home to whittle or perhaps brew some more moonshine for your next cow tip!

Tips:

1. Be sure the ‘cow’ you are trying to tip is not a bull. It is not wise to tip the bulls.

2. Cows evolved to sleep standing up in order to better evade predators, obviously, since they can be tipped so easily, it didn’t work.

3. Don’t try this at home! Cows have feelings too! Leave cow tipping alone to live in your grandparents memories.

(source)

Military Mischief

August 22, 2009

Army Humor

THANK GOD THEY CAN STILL MAINTAIN THEIR SENSE OF HUMOR OVER THERE!

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Army Humor

THANK GOD THEY CAN STILL MAINTAIN THEIR SENSE OF HUMOR OVER THERE!

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What’s My Age Again?

May 16, 2007

Hike This!Ahh…. more proof that I have not yet grown up. It’s a good thing too, or this past week might have killed me.

When I was young, my dad took me to all kinds of amazing places, and I decided to share a few of my favorite spots with them along the way. Oh boy….. I ain’t as young as I used to be….

Yeah, it was one heck of a trip. We stopped on the way there, and hiked for 5 hours and covered 10 miles up on Petit Jean Mountain. We explored the Rock Cave House, and showed the kids cave paintings and pictures pecked into the stone that dated back to 8000 BC. We didn’t INTEND to hike 10 miles. We unknowingly got onto a trail made for boy scouts. My asthmatic ass made it through, but my thighs may never be the same.

On Sunday, we took mom out to eat, then took her to the botanical gardens in OKC so we could work off what we ate. Then I went to Grandpas and got out the John Deere so I could mow (more like bush-hog) his yard. I got done about 10pm, so I was mowing my headlight, and when I finished we got to swappin “snake stories” in the house. ( I am DEATHLY afraid of snakes). This was prompted by the escapade I had just endured while takin’ care of the mowing biz. I had to mow up a steep incline, where all I could do was pull the tractor forward and back to mow. During a back-up, I thought I saw a snake, and I came up off the seat to see “what the hell!?…” Well, on this tractor, when you get off the seat, it shuts off, as a safety feature. Oh helllllllll nooooooo… When it started boggin’, I threw my ass back down on that seat something HARD, and threw the tractor into high and romped the gas, causing it to pop a wheelie on the way up the hill, which meant having to throw myself OVER the front of the tractor while keeping enough weight on the seat to keep it from dying again.

The kids thought I was playing “tractor rodeo” and simply showing out. While I think it’s great that the kids have that much faith in my tractor driving abilities, it was sooooooo not the case at that moment. It was fear and snake loathing at its finest that prompted my rodeo-oics.

Anyhow, no sooner did we walk out of grandpa’s, did we find a baby rattler right behind the truck. Luckily, we had apparently driven over it and squished in in half. Still, I went from a 39 yr old to a 3 yr old in about .000001 seconds. Sometimes, I am SUCH a girlie girl. God, I hate that.

On the way home we hiked a few more miles up at Devil’s Den, where we did some cave explorations, danced under the Twin Falls, played in Cold Creek, and cooled off in The Devils IceBox. My friend had a panic attack in down in the bowels of the cave over the bats, and while it took us 40 minutes to get down where we were, it took about 8 minutes to get out, with her in the lead. Later, we ran into fresh bear tracks, and pretty much jogged the rest of the way out of the woods.

Oh yeah…. and the snake on the hill? It was nothing but a small green stick. Don’t tell the kids though, I never did….


Tales from the countryside (Ch.1)

December 9, 2006

I thought I’d blog my Oklahoman adventure, an installment at a time….

Well, to get to the Amtrak station, I had to travel from Wynne to Walnut Ridge, Arkansas. My cousins drove me, and we left about mid-afternoon. I live in an area that is flat field land , but it can still be beautiful.

The area I live in was once covered by the ocean, millions of years ago, with Crowley’s Ridge being the shoreline. Several thousand millennia later, the ocean had receded, and we were blessed with an abundance of ancient rivers which cut out so much of our Ozark and Ouachita mountains. When you know what to look for, you can can see the reminders left behind in the turned soil of the fields and farmlands.

Some people look at the dirt and just think “blech”… dirt. I watch the rolling furloughs and see the different shades of History the ground changes to as I pass by. It may be a red clay, sometimes gray, almost the color of concrete, and then I can see it go from a drab mousy shade of brown to a crisp, rich swath of ebony black. Those are the ancient river beds. When I have the windows down, especially just after a rain, I can even smell the difference. I can see it too, in the crops that lie in those beds. They are lusher, taller, fuller, greener… and I think about what must have been there then. The animals that came to those ancient rivers to drink. Who hunted them? Was it an Indian tribe, or was it an earlier man? Was it even mammal that drank from the river, or something much older, and pre-historic in nature? What would I find if I dug just a little deeper, going below the disced and plowed topsoil turned over by modern machinery? Another mammoth, perhaps?

Do you know, they have already found the remains of 11 mammoths on that ridge? I can only imagine what else lies buried and hidden beneath the surface….

And that was before I even boarded the train….

MysRee