WARNING: Caffeine level not currently therapeutic. Approach at your own risk!
Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.
It maketh me to wake in green pastures:
It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
It restoreth my buzz:
It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction,
I will fear no Equal™:
For thou art with me; thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me.
Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of The Starbucks:
Thou anointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over.
Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life:
And I will dwell in the House of Mochas forever.
A poetic tribute to that perennial day-starter…
Coffee, coffee and then some more coffee. The aroma… the taste.. such bliss! Whether it’s plain black or polluted (my term for adding things like cream n sugar), I can drink it 24/7 in some form or fashion. That being said, I thought I’d share a few of my favorite coffee recipes.
Quick Coffee Recipes
Café Latte: 1 shot espresso with steamed or frothed milk 1:3
Café au Lait: 1 shot of coffee to 1 shot of milk
Cappuccino: equal parts espresso with steamed, or frothed, milk
Americana: 1 shot espresso & hot water (6-8 oz)
Café Moca/ Moccaccino: cappuccino or café latte with chocolate syrup
Espresso con Panna: Espresso with whipped cream
Macchiato: espresso with milk foam on the top, served in espresso cup
Café Breva: cappuccino with half and half
These are copycat recipes Starbucks. They are only approximations. You can purchase all the specialty syrups used in Starbucks’s drinks at any Starbucks coffee shop. For the real thing, visit your local Starbucks.
Java Chip Frappuccino
I N G R E D I E N T S
4 tablespoon chocolate syrup
4 tablespoon chocolate chips
4 cups double-strength freshly brewed dark roast coffee
Chopped or crushed ice
Whipped cream (optional)
Chocolate syrup (for drizzle, optional)
I N S T R U C T I O N S
Fill blender half full with chopped or crushed ice. Add all ingredients (except whipped cream) and blend until thick and still icy. Pour into 4 tall glasses, top with whipping cream and drizzle chocolate over the whipped cream. Serves: 4
I N G R E D I E N T S
6 cups double-strength freshly brewed dark roast coffee
2/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder, plus additional cocoa powder for garnish
2 cups nonfat milk
I N S T R U C T I O N S
Fill ice-cube trays with half of the brewed coffee and place in the freezer. In a bowl, combine the remaining brewed coffee, cocoa powder and milk and stir to dissolve the cocoa. Cover and chill.
When the ice cubes have frozen, transfer them to a kitchen towel and, using a hammer or mallet, crush the cubes. Fill 4 glasses with the crushed ice and divide the coffee-cocoa mixture evenly among them. Dust the top with cocoa powder and serve. Serves 4.
I N G R E D I E N T S
18 -22 Ice cubes, crushed
7 ounces Double-strength coffee, chilled
2 tablespoons granulated sugar
2 tablespoons flavored syrup of choice (vanilla, hazelnut, -raspberry or other)
Whipped cream, garnish
I N S T R U C T I O N S
Place the ice, coffee, sugar and syrup in a blender. Blend until the frappe is smooth. Pour into a large, tall glass. Garnish with a dollop of whipped cream.
I N G R E D I E N T S
2 tablespoons Starbucks’ Vanilla Syrup
1/2 cup fresh brewed espresso
8 ounces steamed milk
3 to 4 tablespoons Starbucks’ Caramel Sauce
I N S T R U C T I O N S
Add vanilla syrup to 16oz glass. Add steamed milk and caramel sauce and stir well. Serves 1.
Alcoholic Coffee Recipes
New Orleans Coffee: Coffee, cognac, Benedictine, cloves and sugar.
The Nelmes: Thick Turkish coffee layered with cream and dashed with Baileys. Use a glass, pour ingredients individually on a spoon to get colored layers and drizzle with Brown Cow chocolate syrup. Sprinkles are good too.
The Anna Bella Martini: 1 shot of classic Italian espresso, 1 shot of Godiva liquor, 2 shots of chilled vodka… Shake with ice and decorate with a few floating chocolate covered coffee beans.
Toasted Almond: 1 part Starbucks Liquor, 1 Part Amaretto, 1 part cream (or milk).A Winer’s Coffee: Muscadet wine blended with a dash of sugar, coffee, cinnamon and orange peel.
Irish Coffee that clicks its heels: Irish blended whiskey, coffee, brown sugar and whipped cream. Rim the mug with sugar and sprinkle the whipped bundle of love with chocolate crumbles.
The Gabitous: Baileys, Crème de Menthe and Crème de Cacao with a splash of coffee, in a tall glass, rimmed with sugar and filled with ice.
Starbucks Coffee Liquor: It isn’t sold in Starbucks only in places licensed to sell alcohol. Just drink it neat or on the rocks. Or throw it into a Starbucker: Dry vermouth and Starbucks coffee liquor…its rejolting!
Kahlua is the undisputed heavyweight in the arena of coffee liqueurs. Has been for quite some time. Starbucks, however, offers us Starbucks Coffee Liqueur. But when slurping a libation instead of a latte, can coffee drinkers really tell the difference between Starbucks brand and Kahlua, its cheaper ($16), well-known coffee liqueur counterpart? Actually, yes. In a blind taste test conducted by U.S. News, all 10 testers guessed the identity of the Starbucks drink–from the aroma, which is akin to sticking your head into a steaming cup of joe, and the taste, which one tester described as “like biting into chocolate-covered coffee beans.”
After whipping up the drinks listed in the recipe booklet around the Starbucks bottleneck, all of the testers became believers. While coffee liqueur tends to conjure images of heavy winter beverages perfect for sitting by the fire, Starbucks tosses away that notion with the caffe fizz–one part Starbucks liqueur, one part vanilla rum, mixed with ginger ale. (This is a personal favorite of mine) Testers went wild over the pool-party-perfect punch, with one going so far as to deem it “gravity defying.” A similar Kahlua concoction was also a hit but proved slightly heavier. In a face-off between white russians mixed with Kahlua and Starbucks brand, the latter won over the coffee lovers with its Frappuccino-ish taste.
I was reading something last evening in which someone had made the comment “Carpe Diem”. Personally, I’m not a morning person. I don’t wake up ’til sometime around noon, regardless of whether or not my body is up and moving before then. It doesn’t matter how early i go to bed the night before, or how many hours of sleep I get. I am a nocturnal being. Always have been, always will be. Sure, I go through the motions, because I don’t have much of a choice. If I could have my way, however, mornings wouldn’t start until 2pm, “noon” would be somewhere between 7-9 pm, and midnight would be around 5am. Most everything I enjoy doing, I prefer doing AFTER the sun has gone down.
When I was young, I made my parents crazy when my laughter over some 3am tv show woke them up, knowing I had to be at school a few hours later. Now that I’m older, I hate mornings even more, and wish I could have an caffeinated IV drip that would start working about an hour before time for me to get up. (Especially beneficial on those horrid days when I have early classes and they begin with algebra, calculus, etc….)
Oh wait!…. I had to drop college algebra… due to the fact that my brain simply can’t wrap itself around quadratic expressions at 8 o’clock in the morning.
And as for the IV drip… I have to have a cup of coffee before I go to BED…. so how the hell would THAT make a difference?
I’m still a horrible insomniac. My brain never shuts off, no matter how physically tired I am. Maybe that’s why I’m a CIT major…. always processing…. but who knows….
For those of you who prefer Starlight to sunlight, who would rather look up at a Sea of Black Velvet covered in Diamonds instead of blue “nothing” and cotton balls…. I say too you:
You’ve worn the finish off your coffee table.
All your kids are named Joe.
Chuck Yeager thinks you need to calm down.
Instant coffee takes too long.
Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
People can test their batteries in your ears.
People get dizzy just watching you.
Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.
The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you.
When someone asks ‘how are you’ you say, ‘good to the last drop’.
You buy milk by the barrel.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
You can’t even remember your second cup.
You channel surf faster without a remote.
You chew on other people’s fingernails.
You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.
You don’t get mad, you get steamed.
You don’t need a hammer to pound in nails.
You don’t sweat, you percolate.
You don’t tan, you roast.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked.
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You have a conniption over spilled milk.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You introduce your spouse as your coffee mate.
You just completed another sweater and you don’t know how to knit.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You name your cats Cream and Sugar.
You short out motion detectors.
You ski uphill.
You sleep with your eyes open.
You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
You speed-walk in your sleep.
You spend every vacation visiting Maxwell House.
You think being called a drip is a compliment.
You think CPR stands for Coffee Provides Resuscitation.
You’d be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
Your life’s goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
Your only source of nutrition comes from Sweet & Low.
Your taste buds are so numb; you could drink your lava lamp.
Your Thermos is on wheels.
You’re so wired, you pick up AM radio.
You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP
1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “break up.”
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
10. You’re the one calling the police because t&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good shit.”
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out your friends are pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking “Oh no, what the hell happened?”
26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn’t apply to you and can’t find one to save your sorry old ass. Then you forward it to a bunch of old friends ’cause you know they’ll enjoy it & do the same!
OK… so most of you know this already, but it never hurts to reiterate, since we were probably drunk when we had the original conversation…
When I die, do NOT bury me, CREAMATE me. I’d prefer a huge funeral pyre blazing on a make-shift wooden raft right around mdnight in the middle of a picturesque lake located in a beautiful valley and surrounded by rugged mountains, and thanks for asking. Yeah, yeah, yeah….. I know… how often did I ever get exactly what I wanted out of life, and why the hell would I possibly expect it to be any different after I’m dead?
Do NOT put me on some somber display and mourn my death. Don’t cry, or try to be quiet with murmurs and whispers in what some call “respect”. If you love me, and know me at all, then you know I’d hate that. Instead, build a bonfire by the afore mentioned lake, party like you’re 21 again, plaster my picture on one of the kegs or coolers, and celebrate my departure. Be happy for me, ’cause i’ll FINALLY be far away from Wynne, with no chance of ever having to return. I’m pretty sure Amanda can supply you with the appropriate photo. She displayed it on her mom’s fridge for YEARS. Try to do it on some private property somewhere, with permission of the owner, of course, so the cops can’t bother you.
For the music, grab my cd case and crank up the volume. Sarah and Steve know my favorites. Hell, Sarah still has my absolute favorite cd, and Steve has copies of my top 50 tunes. LOL! But for the very last song… the epitaph… the eulogy… the final farewell… I want you guys to raise your glasses, flick your bics, smoke a fatty if ya wanna, and play “I’m moving on” by Rascal Flats. It fit me the first day I heard it, it fits me to this day, and it will still fit me when I’m gone. And yes, kimmie, I’d be thrilled for you to lace a hog-leg with my ashes and smoke me up, so I could be with you “forever and ever”. It might just be the sweetest, smoothest smokin’ thing you ever toked on!
Don’t think for a second you have to talk about “the niceties” of my life, or the rougher times I made it through. Instead, tell the stories of the stupidist things you ever remember me doing. Talk about my dumbass ideas, hair-brained schemes, off-beat ideas, and the goofy quirks I had. I once read “you are only as strong as the tables you dance on, the drinks you mix, and the friends you roll with”, so party hard, drink hard, hugg each other hard, and remember that i loved you, and would do anything for you. I’ll be with you always, and you’ll know when I’m there. I’ll be the thought that makes you laugh out loud in the middle of silence . When you trip over your own two feet, or lose sometthing you just sat down in front of you… that would be me fucking with you. When your watching porn and need to suddenly turn down the volume or go to a black screen because someones suddenly walking in unannounced, I’ll be the reason you can’t find the remote, the volume suddenly blairs and the power button is stuck. When you just can’t believe something that stupid happened… I caused it. I’ll also be the tune you find yourself humming, the $20 you didn’t know you had, and the dumb-luck that saved your ass.
So… don’t miss me when i’m gone, ’cause I won’t be!
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would the still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?
If I break the laws of Physics do I go to jail?
Will you die if you get scared half to death twice?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, than who is the fool who said, “Quit while you’re ahead”?
Sooner or later doesn’t EVERYONE stop smoking?
Why can’t we make newspapers that don’t smudge?
Why doesn’t onomatopoeia sound like what it is?
If you choke a Smurf what color would it turn?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word lisp to have a s in it?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation or a murder?
Why does the psychic hotline ask for your credit card number? Shouldn’t they already know it?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone is going to clean them?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
What’s another word for thesaurus?
If you throw your pet cat out the window of your car does it bec0me cat litter?
Why is it called a TV “set” when you only get one?
How did a fool and his money get together?
Why is it that when you are driving and looking for an address you turn the radio down?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why is it that when you transport something by car it is called a shipment but when you transport something by ship it is called cargo?
If you have an open mind is there a chance your brain might fall out?
If the entire world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
Why in a country with freedom of speech are there phone bills?
Why is it that when you tell a person that there are 400 billion stars in the sky and he’ll believe you, tell him a bench is wet and he has to touch it? ,
How do I set my laser printer on stun gun?
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
Who really took the bite out of the Apple logo?
Why when you say a color a lot does it start to sound really strange?
How many licks does it really take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
If 75% of all accidents occur within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?
If the cops arrest a mime do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Isn’t the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?
If it is zero degrees outside today and it is supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
What does Geronimo yell when he jumps out of a plane?
He’d be able to laugh with me at the silly things I do. (I’m a natural clutz!) He’d respect my values and morals even if his differed from mine. He’d not only know the meaning of MONOGAMY, but firmly believe in it as well. He’d be honest, confident, and assured of his own self-worth. He would enjoy learning about new things, and discussing them with me over coffee. He would tell me his thoughts, ideas, and opinions with ease, and want me to do the same. He would find humor and enjoyment in the little things and realize that life doesn’t deal in black and white, but has a thousand shades of gray in between…
Someone who’d move the hair away from my eyes, and then kiss me. Someone who would sing to me at random moment, no matter how bad he sounds. Someone who would slow dance with me, even when there’s no music. We’d make out in the pouring rain. Someone would never be afraid to say “I love you” in front of his freinds. Someone who will lay back with me and count the stars, or stay home with me on a Friday night just to help me make dinner and watch movies together under the same blanket. Someone who will tell me I’m beautiful, but not to often. Someone who would talk with me and laugh with me like no one else could, and be my best freind.
I guess that’s why I read romance novels though…….