Cow Tipping: An Arkansas Tradition

October 31, 2010

The stereotypical Arkansas pastime of days gone by. This is what your grandparents did for fun (or at least that’s what the Northerners think).

Don’t try this at home!

Difficulty: Easy

Time Required: 60 minutes

Here’s How:

1. Get extremely drunk or extremely bored. Moonshine whiskey makes for the best cow tipping experience, but extreme boredom (teenagers with nothing to do) will suffice.

2. Bring friends. Cow tipping is no fun without company!

3. Find a pasture with cows. Everyone knows that everyone in Arkansas has cows so that won’t be hard.

4. Go at night so that you won’t see the cow pies as you step in them…oh yeah, the cows will be asleep too.

5. Find an isolated cow and be sure it’s sleeping.

6. Approach the cow against the wind. If you’ve been stepping in cow pies all night, the cow will smell you for sure if you are upwind of her and will run from the stench.

7. Go for the tip! In a creeping motion, walk toward the cow, place both hands on one of its flanks, and push with a hard, but smooth stroke.

8. RUN far away. The cow will wake up and tell all her friends about your stunt and they will stampede. The farmer won’t be happy either (you don’t want a hiney full of buckshot do you?).

9. Go home to whittle or perhaps brew some more moonshine for your next cow tip!

Tips:

1. Be sure the ‘cow’ you are trying to tip is not a bull. It is not wise to tip the bulls.

2. Cows evolved to sleep standing up in order to better evade predators, obviously, since they can be tipped so easily, it didn’t work.

3. Don’t try this at home! Cows have feelings too! Leave cow tipping alone to live in your grandparents memories.

(source)
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Geography of the Sexes

September 23, 2009

Geography Of A Woman


Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!


Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.


Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.


Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.


Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious  and all conquering past.


Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war, doesn’t make the same mistakes twice; takes care of business.


Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.


After 70, she becomes Tibet.  Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages…. she has an adventurous spirit and still has a thirst for knowledge, especially spiritual knowledge.


GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN


Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran, ruled by nuts.


THE END


THINGS I HAVE LEARNED FROM LIVING IN ARKANSAS

May 13, 2008

Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 live in Arkansas.

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Arkansas plus a couple no one’s seen before.

If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.

Onced and Twiced are words.

It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.

People actually grow and eat okra.

“Fixinto” is one word.


There is no such thing as “lunch.” There is only dinner and then there is supper.

Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you’re two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!

Backards and forwards means “I know everything about you.”

DJeet? Is actually a phrase meaning “Did you eat?”

You don’t have to wear a watch because it doesn¢t matter what time it is.

You work until you’re done or it’s too dark to see.

You don’t PUSH buttons, you MASH them.

You measure distance in minutes.

You’ve ever had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.

“Fix” is a verb. Example: “I’m fixing to go to the store.”

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

You know what a “DAWG” is.

You carry jumper cables in your car . . . For your OWN car.


There are only four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.

The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.

The first day of deer season is a national holiday.

100 degrees Fahrenheit “a little warm.”

We have four seasons: Almost Summer, summer, still summer and Christmas.

Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as “goin’ Wal-martin” or off to “Wally World.”


A cool snap (below 70 degrees) is good pinto-bean weather.

A carbonated soft drink isn’t a soda, cola or pop . . . it’s a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: “What kinda coke you want?”

Fried catfish is the other white meat.

We don’t need no stinking driver’s Ed . . . If our mama says we can drive, we can drive.

EVERYONE can’t be an Arkansan; you gotta be brave to live here!


Amazingy Simple Home Remedies

February 3, 2008

 

1.  If you are choking on an ice cube, don’t panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto, the blockage will be almost instantly  removed.

 

2.  Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

 

3.  You can avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting  the toilet seat just by using the sink.

 

4.  For high blood  pressure  sufferers: simply cut  yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use an egg timer.

 

5.  A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

 

6.  If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.

 

7.  Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a  hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.

 

8.  Sometimes, we just need to remember a few of the simple rules of life…

 

“In life, you only tools you need are WD-40 and Duct Tape.  If it doesn’t move, but should, use WD-40. If it should not move, and does, use the duct tape.”

 

9.  Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

 

10.       Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

 

 

Thought For The Day:

 

SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES…. THEY ARE NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING… BUT THEY STILL BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS

 


43 Things

January 27, 2008

I’m sure many of you have started a list at 43things.com. I was looking over my list this morning and got to thinking… “what are 43 things I could do everyday that would help to make me happy?”  This is what I came up with…

 

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk,

smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

 

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock

if you have to.

 

3. Buy a DVR/TIVO, tape your late night shows and get more sleep.

 

4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following

statement, “My purpose is to ______today.”

 

5. Live with the 3 E’s: Energy, Enthusiasm, Empathy.

 

6. Watch more movies, play more games and read more books

than you did in 2007.

 

7. Find out who you are, and do it on purpose.

 

8. Spend more time with people over the age of 70 and under

the age of 6.

 

9. Dream more while you are awake.

 

10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

 

11. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.

 

12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

 

13. Clear your clutter from your house, your car, your desk, and let new and flowing energy into your life.

 

14. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

 

15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class, but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

 

16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

 

17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the energy vampires away.

 

18. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

 

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

 

20. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

 

21. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

 

22. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

 

23. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

 

24. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, and wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special!

 

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

 

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: “In five years will this matter?”

 

27. Forgive everyone for everything.

 

28. What other people think of you is none of your business.

 

29. Time heals almost everything. Give time…. time.

 

30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

 

31. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick.

Your friends will. Stay in touch.

 

32. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

 

33. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

 

34. The best is yet to come.

 

35. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

 

36. Do the right thing!

 

37. Call your family often.

 

38. Each night before you go to bed complete the following

statements: “I am thankful for __________. Today I

accomplished _________.”

 

39. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

 

40. Enjoy the ride. Remember that this is not Disney World and you certainly don’t want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life so make the most of

 

41.Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great. it and enjoy the ride.

 

 42. Don’t be afraid to get into hot water. It keeps you clean.

 

….and think about this…..

 

43. How old would you be if you didn’t have a mirror… If you didn’t know when you were born? Your ancestors didn’t and they knew no boundaries!

 


How to teach a kid (and his mother) a lesson they won’t soon forget!!!

October 5, 2007

Yes, some of you won’t like this, but i gotta tell you… I DO!  I know exactly the kinds of kids (and their moms) this person is talking about .  They are evil little hellion children who’s parents let them get away with any and everything at the expense of innocent bystanders.  If a a few more people would do a few more things like this, maybe some parents would get a better rein on their kids!!!

Anonymous posted:

“Now, I’m sure many of you have encountered little shits in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little cunts that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it. Okay, here’s the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the fucking skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little shit’s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little cunt he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming “SHIT! SHIT!.” Now, my good friend, Tom we’ll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting “FUCK! MAYBE HE DIDN’T GET IT! FUCK!”. By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid. Here’s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, “Mam, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I’m… I’m FUCKING HIV POSITIVE.” And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just fucked up big time because his mom isn’t defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my shit from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just s we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the cunt she is. I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob.”

Here are the comments that had been left at the time I read it….

(1 hours ago)
nice!!!!!!!!!!1

(1 hours ago)
Brilliant 🙂

(1 hours ago)
That’s cruel. I know the little biters are annoying as fuck, but that’s just plain cruel.

(1 hours ago)
Holy shit. That’s one way to teach a lesson.

(1 hours ago)

Thats not cruel, i have a 5 month old and she is a little brat, she should be taught a lesson. I love her and she must be a good mannerd kid, otherwise nobody will like her, now thats worse

(53 minutes ago)
Beautiful.

(49 minutes ago)
karma cakes anyone?

(36 minutes ago)
Good lord, I should try that out sometime

(30 minutes ago)
what da fuck…ur worse then da litlle cunt tht bit u hahahah

(22 minutes ago)
first question, do you have it. if not that is some funny ass shit and i would have loved to be there. if so, wow that kids life is messed up all because mom ddi not teach him how to be good!

(19 minutes ago)
lol confused? so the kid actually bit you? never heard of this before? but well done 😉

(1 second ago)
OMG! I think I know that kid! I’d call what you did sheer genious! Seriously! I think you may be my new hero!

Freakin Fabulous!!!!


The Tech Teen

July 14, 2007

At The Tech Teen, they have young adults from ages 15-19 speaking their minds about what products work, and what don’t. New products ranging from cell phones to laptops will be reviewed. Here, other teens can come to find out what they really should be saving up for. Here, parents can find out what their son or daughter would really like.

http://thetechteen.com/

My 16 year old son turned me on to this kid, then I ran into him on Pownce. Don’t let his age fool you into thinking he’s less than he his. He’s brilliant, tuned in, and turned on to what makes other “tech teens” tick. Give him a chance. You’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Meet Truman, The Tech Teen

Founder and Lead Reviewer at TTT, Truman is 15 years old and is going into his junior year of Highschool. Some of his hobbies include Computers, Digg, Technology in general, Rock Climbing, and MMA.read more | digg story