The only completely consistent people are the dead.
Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it’s a pretty good empty experience.
Anything is good if it’s made of chocolate.
I believe in getting into hot water… it keeps you clean.
Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won’t have a leg to stand on.
Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
Since it’s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
The second mouse gets the cheese.
When every thing’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
Sex is like air. Only becomes really important when you aren’t getting any.
Don’t aspire to become irreplaceable.If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
Remember, no one is listening until you fart.
Never forget that you are unique, like everybody else.
Never test the depth of water with both feet.
If you think nobody cares whatever you are dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
If at first you don’t succeed, avoid skydiving.
Give a man a fish and will eat for a day.teach him how to fish, and he will sit on a boat and drink beer all day.
If you tell the truth,you don’t have to remember anything.
Some days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreens.
Good judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgments.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry and we get smacked on our ass. From then on in life gets worse.