I finally got to say “I’m sorry”

June 4, 2007

It’s been twenty years. Twenty years since I last saw him… spoke to him… hurt him… and said goodbye. Twenty years of regret, of wanting to take back the pain I caused him. He didn’t deserve it. I was a foolish child. He had become a man.

I was only 15 when I met him. After school, I worked the drive through at McDonald’s in Greenville, SC., and he would come everyday, at 4pm, and order two cheeseburgers and a Dr. Pepper. It was the same order, every single time. He was so damned gorgeous, with his wavy mop of golden blond hair, deep blue eyes, and dazzling smile. You could feel the electricity in the air as soon as I opened the little window…feel the heat from it… and sometimes I even thought I could hear it crackle, just a little bit.

One day, I glanced out the window and saw him pulling up to the menu board, and I quickly said “that’ll be two cheeseburgers and a Dr. pepper, right?” He looked so dumbfounded. He finally stammered out a “uh… yeah…” and pulled up to the window slightly red, head tilted to the side, looking like “who the ???”. I met him with his order and a huge smile (reminiscent of the Cheshire Cat, I’m sure). That was the day he asked me out for the first time.

Two years later, we were engaged. He graduated high school and went into the Army as an Infantry Paratrooper for the 82nd Airborne. I went to a Christian Academy in Mississippi for my senior year. It would be a little more than a year before we saw each other again.

I’ll never forget how he looked the first time I saw him again. My God, he was so handsome… but then, he always was. He had changed though. He’d spent time in Honduras, where he broke his leg during a jump. He’d been places and seen so many things, and he was no longer the carefree boy I knew. He’d become a man, and I wasn’t ready for that yet. I was in awe of him, and afraid of him too. I was still a virgin, and had been in a Christian school for girls. I wasn’t ready for the man before me… the man who now touched me differently… kissed me with so much passion… unsettled me completely.

I told him the night before he was to catch his plane that I wanted to break up with him. I don’t even remember the lie I told him… too embarrassed to tell him the truth of it. The next morning, he kissed me just before he boarded the plane, and told me he would always love me. As I watched the plane pull away from the gate… I knew I had made a mistake. I wanted to run out onto the runway… to stop the plane…. to tell him I didn’t mean it…but it was too late.

The airport was an hour and a half from my home. I had decided I would call him as soon as he had time to get home, and beg him to forgive me. When I got home, however… those plans would change. My mother met me at the door. He had called his mother from the plane… she had called mine. My mother tore into me for breaking his heart. She said such hateful things… I couldn’t call him after that. She made me feel like I got what I deserved…. that I wasn’t worthy of him in the first place….and he was better off without me.

It never changed the fact that I always wanted to say “I’m sorry for ever hurting you”. He deserved better. He was a good man. I started trying to find him a few years later, to tell him so. By then, he was out of the service, I was in Arkansas, his family had moved, and I couldn’t find him. I have looked for him for 20 years now. I never stopped looking for him.

Last week, I found him. He is a police officer now, and I found his picture and biography on his P.D.’s website. I just sat there… reading and re-reading his bio over and over. It chronicled his life from the time he was in the army til now. All those years… all the regret… the only person I had purposely hurt in my entire life…there he was. I took out my photos of him… from when we were young… and placed them next to the current photo of him I had before me on the monitor. Yes, it was him. Older of course… the wavy mop of hair was no more… but to me… he looks the same. He has the deep, sparkling blue eyes… the same slightly crooked smile… so I sat… and stared… and remembered.

Last night, I wrote him a letter. Last night, I finally told him I was sorry. Last night, I was able to let go of my one great regret. Last night, I was finally able to make peace with myself, for something I’d done so long ago.

Finally….


The WORST Pick Up Lines EVER!

April 9, 2007

So I asked a few folks to gimmee the best…er…worst…pick-up lines they ever heard (or used), and here are the results. Feel free to add on!

“Baby, I bet you’re just like a Snickers… you could really satisfy!”

“If you were a car door I would slam you all night long.”

“Can I please be your slave tonight?”

“So, what are the chances that we can engage in anything more than just conversation?”

“Baby, I would do more things to you than MacGyver in a “Do-It-Yourself Shop”.”

“I don’t know what you think of me, but I hope it’s X-rated.”

“You’re clothes would sure look good on my floor!”

“You remind me of a championship bass–I don’t know whether to mount you or eat you! ”

“Hi, I’m writing a term paper on the finer things in life. Can I interview you?”

“They say everyone has a star and yours must shine the brightest!”

“Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by you again?”

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I’d like to be holding you tonight”

“Do you have sex with strangers? Then allow me to introduce myself!”

“I’m feeling off today, would you mind turning me on?”

“All those curves and me with no brakes”

“Excuse me…do you have a band aid? I scraped my knees when I fell for you”

“If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I’d be walking in my garden all the time.”

“What do you say we go behind a rock and get a little boulder?”

“Your body must be VISA, because you’re everywhere I want to be.”

“Are you a parking ticket? You got “fine fine fine” written all over you!”

“They say sex is a killer. Want to die happy?”

“Picture this…..you, me a bubble bath and a bottle of champagne”

“Would you meet me in the courtyard at midnight? I’d like to see which is more beautiful, you or the moonlight.”

“I’m a recruiter. Why not come over to my place and be all you can be?”

“You’re so hot you make fire sweat!”

“You may not like me now….but you’re drinking BEER”

“If beauty was crime, you’d be in for life….”

“Wanna go halves on a baby?”

“Hey there, how would you like to wear those clothes to work tomorrow?”

“I love every muscle in your body …..especially mine”

“I couldn’t help but notice I was staring at you….”

“You like Pop Tarts?
Because that’s what we’re having for breakfast tomorrow.”

“Damn girl, you could knock the stuffin’ off an egg McMuffin.”

“HI I AM THE ONE THAT HAS BEEN STALKING YOU FOR THE LAST YEAR AND TRIED TO KILL
YOU 10 TIMES SO GO OUT WITH ME OR DIE.”

“Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you. ”

and even more stupid shit we’ve heard or said…

Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!!

If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.

Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!

Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

Baicarumba…are those real?

Be unique and different, just say yes.

Can I flirt with you?

Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.

Do you know karate? Cos damn it honey, your body is really kickin.

Excuse me. I’m from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I’m going to have to ask you to assume the position.

Gee, that’s a nice set of legs, what time do they open?

How do you like your eggs in the morning? Scrambled or fertilized?

Just call me milk, I’ll do your body good.

Your body’s name must be Visa, because it’s everywhere I want to be.

Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.


Forever

January 9, 2007

To turn and walk away from you
Would be but mortal gesture
To end a thing that is never finished.

To wake and rise again with you
Would be pretending
That all is as it was before.

Yesterday
Was touching easy
Before the morning settled in.

Awake
We stumbled over stones,
Wandering ways that led us apart.

Of night,
Much mystery is born,
Causing lovers to be torn.

Depart you, love, not away from me–
For a thing never finished
Must not so easy end.

Seek me when the wind is still,
Hold me hold me long,
And know that I am strong.

Forever will come back
Not to that which fragile is,
But to that which unending stays.

(Original work by T.M.M.)


The Man I Wish I Knew

December 31, 2006

He’d be able to laugh with me at the silly things I do. (I’m a natural clutz!) He’d respect my values and morals even if his differed from mine. He’d not only know the meaning of MONOGAMY, but firmly believe in it as well. He’d be honest, confident, and assured of his own self-worth. He would enjoy learning about new things, and discussing them with me over coffee. He would tell me his thoughts, ideas, and opinions with ease, and want me to do the same. He would find humor and enjoyment in the little things and realize that life doesn’t deal in black and white, but has a thousand shades of gray in between…

Someone who’d move the hair away from my eyes, and then kiss me. Someone who would sing to me at random moment, no matter how bad he sounds. Someone who would slow dance with me, even when there’s no music. We’d make out in the pouring rain. Someone would never be afraid to say “I love you” in front of his freinds. Someone who will lay back with me and count the stars, or stay home with me on a Friday night just to help me make dinner and watch movies together under the same blanket. Someone who will tell me I’m beautiful, but not to often. Someone who would talk with me and laugh with me like no one else could, and be my best freind.

I guess that’s why I read romance novels though…….