Live with Intention.
Walk to the Edge.
Play with Abandon.
Choose No Regret.
Continue to Learn.
Appreciate Your Friends.
Do What You Love.
Live… As if this is All There Is……
You’ve worn the finish off your coffee table.
All your kids are named Joe.
Chuck Yeager thinks you need to calm down.
Instant coffee takes too long.
Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
People can test their batteries in your ears.
People get dizzy just watching you.
Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.
The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you.
When someone asks ‘how are you’ you say, ‘good to the last drop’.
You buy milk by the barrel.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
You can’t even remember your second cup.
You channel surf faster without a remote.
You chew on other people’s fingernails.
You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.
You don’t get mad, you get steamed.
You don’t need a hammer to pound in nails.
You don’t sweat, you percolate.
You don’t tan, you roast.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked.
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You have a conniption over spilled milk.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You introduce your spouse as your coffee mate.
You just completed another sweater and you don’t know how to knit.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You name your cats Cream and Sugar.
You short out motion detectors.
You ski uphill.
You sleep with your eyes open.
You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
You speed-walk in your sleep.
You spend every vacation visiting Maxwell House.
You think being called a drip is a compliment.
You think CPR stands for Coffee Provides Resuscitation.
You’d be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
Your life’s goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
Your only source of nutrition comes from Sweet & Low.
Your taste buds are so numb; you could drink your lava lamp.
Your Thermos is on wheels.
You’re so wired, you pick up AM radio.
You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
Southern women appreciate their natural assets:
A winning smile.
That unforgettable Southern drawl.
Southern women know their manners:
“Why , no, Billy!”
Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions :
“Y’all come back!”
“Well, bless your heart.”
“Drop by when you can.”
“How’s your Momma?”
Southern women know their summer weather report:
Southern women know their vacation spots:
Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:
Colorful hi-heel sandals
Strapless sun dresses
Iced sweet tea with mint
Southern women know everybody’s first name:
Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Gone With The Wind
Southern women know their religions:
Southern women know their country breakfasts:
Mouth-watering home made biscuits with momma’s homemade jelly
Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform.
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler, of course!
Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon
Southern girls know the four deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food
Wearing too much makeup in the summer
Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah!
Now…… Shugah, spread this to some girls who were raised in the
South or wish they had been!
If you’re a Northern transplant:
Bless your little heart–fake it. We know you got here as fast
as you could!!!
Did someone say free? Oh wait! That was me!
I am always on the lookout for great freeware. I’m talking totally free, make my life easier, tweak my system, just for fun stuff. With all the free open source alternatives, I just can’t see paying for software in this day and age. The only thing worse is hearing a friend of mine tell me they just spent a STUPID amount of money on something they could have gotten for free (and often, better!) .
While I’m sure there are even better alternatives to the ones I’m gonna list, these are programs that I use almost daily. These are easy to install, work, and most programs are “set ’em and forget ’em”.
Want to add some new fonts?
Check out creamundo at:
(you can try out the font before you even download it!)
How about photo tools?
For free brushes at brusheezy
For the most kick-ass photo tips, DIY projects, and gear : photomojo at:
For photo retouching, image composition, and image authoring: The GIMP at
How about Licensed Software Free For the Taking LEGALLY!
FREE SOFTWARE at give away of the day:
FREE GAMES at game give away of the day at:
How often have you carefully selected some text from a Web page and copied it to an email message? Snippy makes this a snap!
The ULTIMATE Windows Media Player Plug-In resource:
Protect your pc for free!
Against spyware:(SPYBOT:search and destroy)
Against adware:(ADAWARE SE PERSONAL)
ANTI-VIRUS PROTECTION (I’ve been using this for years!) AVG personal edition:
All-in-One SECRETMAKER is designed for everybody who wants to avoid computer crashes and protect their privacy. IT combines several powerful tool and includes a Spam Fighter, Pop-Up Blocker, Cookie Eraser, History Cleaner, Privacy Protector, Banner Blocker and a Worm Hunter. Go to :
How about free dvd burners/decrypters?
BURN 4 FREE at:
DVD SHRINK at:
IMGBURN is a lightweight CD / DVD / HD DVD / Blu-ray burning application ((CATCH THAT? BLU_RAY BURNER!!!)) get it at:
For the ultimate guide to drivers and firmware go to the driver guide at:
Want a free auto-expiring telephone number?
If you wanna build a remote control lawnmower:
For wasting countless hours doing nothing I give you “PERPETUAL BUBBLEWRAP”. Yes, for the ultimate in time wasting, simply roll your mouse over the bubble wrap to see and hear a satisfying ‘pop’ as the bubble bursts and then reappear. Go to:
To send off for totally free crap:
(You wouldn’t BELIEVE the crap I’ve gotten for free from this site!)
If you have Firefox, these are ESSENTIAL add-ins!
Free long distance? Free mobile? (OMG! I LOVE THIS DAMN SERVICE!)
Do you listen to music while surfing the Web?
FoxyTunes is a free browser add-on that allows you to control your favorite media players without ever leaving the browser and more…
FOXY TUNES at:
Cooliris Previews is a free browser add-on that lets you preview links without clicking or leaving your current page. It is an AWESOME timesaver! Get COOLIRIS at:
If your searching for particular types of programs, I highly suggest :
Chris Pirillo (My Hero!)
(I love this guy!)
GRC’s popular freeware
I originally made this list for my freinds, but then I thought, hey…. someone else may need a freebie today. If you know of any super cool freeware you think I should know about…. tell a woman!!!
OK… so most of you know this already, but it never hurts to reiterate, since we were probably drunk when we had the original conversation…
When I die, do NOT bury me, CREAMATE me. I’d prefer a huge funeral pyre blazing on a make-shift wooden raft right around mdnight in the middle of a picturesque lake located in a beautiful valley and surrounded by rugged mountains, and thanks for asking. Yeah, yeah, yeah….. I know… how often did I ever get exactly what I wanted out of life, and why the hell would I possibly expect it to be any different after I’m dead?
Do NOT put me on some somber display and mourn my death. Don’t cry, or try to be quiet with murmurs and whispers in what some call “respect”. If you love me, and know me at all, then you know I’d hate that. Instead, build a bonfire by the afore mentioned lake, party like you’re 21 again, plaster my picture on one of the kegs or coolers, and celebrate my departure. Be happy for me, ’cause i’ll FINALLY be far away from Wynne, with no chance of ever having to return. I’m pretty sure Amanda can supply you with the appropriate photo. She displayed it on her mom’s fridge for YEARS. Try to do it on some private property somewhere, with permission of the owner, of course, so the cops can’t bother you.
For the music, grab my cd case and crank up the volume. Sarah and Steve know my favorites. Hell, Sarah still has my absolute favorite cd, and Steve has copies of my top 50 tunes. LOL! But for the very last song… the epitaph… the eulogy… the final farewell… I want you guys to raise your glasses, flick your bics, smoke a fatty if ya wanna, and play “I’m moving on” by Rascal Flats. It fit me the first day I heard it, it fits me to this day, and it will still fit me when I’m gone. And yes, kimmie, I’d be thrilled for you to lace a hog-leg with my ashes and smoke me up, so I could be with you “forever and ever”. It might just be the sweetest, smoothest smokin’ thing you ever toked on!
Don’t think for a second you have to talk about “the niceties” of my life, or the rougher times I made it through. Instead, tell the stories of the stupidist things you ever remember me doing. Talk about my dumbass ideas, hair-brained schemes, off-beat ideas, and the goofy quirks I had. I once read “you are only as strong as the tables you dance on, the drinks you mix, and the friends you roll with”, so party hard, drink hard, hugg each other hard, and remember that i loved you, and would do anything for you. I’ll be with you always, and you’ll know when I’m there. I’ll be the thought that makes you laugh out loud in the middle of silence . When you trip over your own two feet, or lose sometthing you just sat down in front of you… that would be me fucking with you. When your watching porn and need to suddenly turn down the volume or go to a black screen because someones suddenly walking in unannounced, I’ll be the reason you can’t find the remote, the volume suddenly blairs and the power button is stuck. When you just can’t believe something that stupid happened… I caused it. I’ll also be the tune you find yourself humming, the $20 you didn’t know you had, and the dumb-luck that saved your ass.
So… don’t miss me when i’m gone, ’cause I won’t be!
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would the still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?
If I break the laws of Physics do I go to jail?
Will you die if you get scared half to death twice?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, than who is the fool who said, “Quit while you’re ahead”?
Sooner or later doesn’t EVERYONE stop smoking?
Why can’t we make newspapers that don’t smudge?
Why doesn’t onomatopoeia sound like what it is?
If you choke a Smurf what color would it turn?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word lisp to have a s in it?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation or a murder?
Why does the psychic hotline ask for your credit card number? Shouldn’t they already know it?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone is going to clean them?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
What’s another word for thesaurus?
If you throw your pet cat out the window of your car does it bec0me cat litter?
Why is it called a TV “set” when you only get one?
How did a fool and his money get together?
Why is it that when you are driving and looking for an address you turn the radio down?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why is it that when you transport something by car it is called a shipment but when you transport something by ship it is called cargo?
If you have an open mind is there a chance your brain might fall out?
If the entire world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
Why in a country with freedom of speech are there phone bills?
Why is it that when you tell a person that there are 400 billion stars in the sky and he’ll believe you, tell him a bench is wet and he has to touch it? ,
How do I set my laser printer on stun gun?
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
Who really took the bite out of the Apple logo?
Why when you say a color a lot does it start to sound really strange?
How many licks does it really take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
If 75% of all accidents occur within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?
If the cops arrest a mime do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Isn’t the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?
If it is zero degrees outside today and it is supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
What does Geronimo yell when he jumps out of a plane?