Live with Intention.
Walk to the Edge.
Play with Abandon.
Choose No Regret.
Continue to Learn.
Appreciate Your Friends.
Do What You Love.
Live… As if this is All There Is……
The only completely consistent people are the dead.
Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it’s a pretty good empty experience.
Anything is good if it’s made of chocolate.
I believe in getting into hot water… it keeps you clean.
Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won’t have a leg to stand on.
Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
Since it’s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
The second mouse gets the cheese.
When every thing’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
Sex is like air. Only becomes really important when you aren’t getting any.
Don’t aspire to become irreplaceable.If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
Remember, no one is listening until you fart.
Never forget that you are unique, like everybody else.
Never test the depth of water with both feet.
If you think nobody cares whatever you are dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
If at first you don’t succeed, avoid skydiving.
Give a man a fish and will eat for a day.teach him how to fish, and he will sit on a boat and drink beer all day.
If you tell the truth,you don’t have to remember anything.
Some days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreens.
Good judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgments.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry and we get smacked on our ass. From then on in life gets worse.
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don’t “HAVE” them, you “PITCH” them.
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up “a mess.”
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of “yonder.”
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long “directly” is, as in: “Going to town, be back directly.”
Even Southern babies know that “Gimme some sugar” is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
All Southerners know exactly when “by and by” is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor’s trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between “right near” and “a right far piece.” They also know that “just down the road” can be 1 mile or 20! .
Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol’ boy, and po’ white trash.
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
A Southerner knows that “fixin” can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, and when we’re “in line” , we talk to everybody!
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they’re related, even if only by marriage.
In the South, y’all is singular, all y’all is plural.
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
When you hear someone say, “Well, I caught myself lookin’,” you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner !
Only true Southerners say “sweet tea” and “sweet milk.” Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it — we do not like our tea unsweetened. “Sweet milk” means you don’t want buttermilk.
And a true Southerner knows you don’t scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,”Bless her heart” … and go your own way.
To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness:
Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning.
Bless your heart!
And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, … bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin’ to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
Southern women appreciate their natural assets:
A winning smile.
That unforgettable Southern drawl.
Southern women know their manners:
“Why , no, Billy!”
Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions :
“Y’all come back!”
“Well, bless your heart.”
“Drop by when you can.”
“How’s your Momma?”
Southern women know their summer weather report:
Southern women know their vacation spots:
Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:
Colorful hi-heel sandals
Strapless sun dresses
Iced sweet tea with mint
Southern women know everybody’s first name:
Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Gone With The Wind
Southern women know their religions:
Southern women know their country breakfasts:
Mouth-watering home made biscuits with momma’s homemade jelly
Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform.
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler, of course!
Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon
Southern girls know the four deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food
Wearing too much makeup in the summer
Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah!
Now…… Shugah, spread this to some girls who were raised in the
South or wish they had been!
If you’re a Northern transplant:
Bless your little heart–fake it. We know you got here as fast
as you could!!!
So I asked a few folks to gimmee the best…er…worst…pick-up lines they ever heard (or used), and here are the results. Feel free to add on!
“Baby, I bet you’re just like a Snickers… you could really satisfy!”
“If you were a car door I would slam you all night long.”
“Can I please be your slave tonight?”
“So, what are the chances that we can engage in anything more than just conversation?”
“Baby, I would do more things to you than MacGyver in a “Do-It-Yourself Shop”.”
“I don’t know what you think of me, but I hope it’s X-rated.”
“You’re clothes would sure look good on my floor!”
“You remind me of a championship bass–I don’t know whether to mount you or eat you! ”
“Hi, I’m writing a term paper on the finer things in life. Can I interview you?”
“They say everyone has a star and yours must shine the brightest!”
“Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by you again?”
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I’d like to be holding you tonight”
“Do you have sex with strangers? Then allow me to introduce myself!”
“I’m feeling off today, would you mind turning me on?”
“All those curves and me with no brakes”
“Excuse me…do you have a band aid? I scraped my knees when I fell for you”
“If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I’d be walking in my garden all the time.”
“What do you say we go behind a rock and get a little boulder?”
“Your body must be VISA, because you’re everywhere I want to be.”
“Are you a parking ticket? You got “fine fine fine” written all over you!”
“They say sex is a killer. Want to die happy?”
“Picture this…..you, me a bubble bath and a bottle of champagne”
“Would you meet me in the courtyard at midnight? I’d like to see which is more beautiful, you or the moonlight.”
“I’m a recruiter. Why not come over to my place and be all you can be?”
“You’re so hot you make fire sweat!”
“You may not like me now….but you’re drinking BEER”
“If beauty was crime, you’d be in for life….”
“Wanna go halves on a baby?”
“Hey there, how would you like to wear those clothes to work tomorrow?”
“I love every muscle in your body …..especially mine”
“I couldn’t help but notice I was staring at you….”
“You like Pop Tarts?
Because that’s what we’re having for breakfast tomorrow.”
“Damn girl, you could knock the stuffin’ off an egg McMuffin.”
“HI I AM THE ONE THAT HAS BEEN STALKING YOU FOR THE LAST YEAR AND TRIED TO KILL
YOU 10 TIMES SO GO OUT WITH ME OR DIE.”
“Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you. ”
and even more stupid shit we’ve heard or said…
Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!!
If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.
Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!
Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
Baicarumba…are those real?
Be unique and different, just say yes.
Can I flirt with you?
Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.
Do you know karate? Cos damn it honey, your body is really kickin.
Excuse me. I’m from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I’m going to have to ask you to assume the position.
Gee, that’s a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
How do you like your eggs in the morning? Scrambled or fertilized?
Just call me milk, I’ll do your body good.
Your body’s name must be Visa, because it’s everywhere I want to be.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.
Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.”
“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked
Always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
That is what friendship means. Sharing the prejudice of experience.
Give me one friend, just one, who meets The needs of all my varying moods.
My true friends have always given me that supreme proof of devotion, a spontaneous aversion for the man I loved.
Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.
What is a friend? I will tell you it is someone with whom you dare to be yourself.
A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway.
“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.”
“If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we’re apart.. i’ll always be with you.”
“Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.”
“A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.”
“One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention.”
“True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable.”
“true friendship isn’t about being there when it’s convenient; it’s about being there when it’s not.”
I always felt that the great high privilege, relief and comfort of friendship was that one had to explain nothing.
“Best friends are the ones who can be the farthest away but there the fastest when you call.”
The only thing that lasts longer than a friend’s love is the stupidity that keeps us from knowing any better.
I always felt that the great high privilege, relief and comfort of friendship was that one had to explain nothing.
It is difficult to say who do you the most mischief: enemies with the worst intentions or friends with the best.
Your friends will know you better in the first minute you meet than your acquaintances will know you in a thousand years.
Treat your friends as you do your pictures, and place them in their best light.
A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.
“No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other’s worth.”
No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow.
Sometimes i want to shout to the whole world how lucky i am to have you as my friend but sometimes i want to hush…afraid that somebody might take you away from me.
“Some people go to priests; others to poetry; I to my friends.”
“If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you.”
The friendship between a man and a woman which does not lead to marriage or desire for marriage may be a life long experience of the greatest value to themselves and to all their circle of acquaintance and of activity; but for this type of friendship both a rare man and a rare woman are needed. Perhaps it should be added that either the man or the woman thus deeply bound in lifelong friendship who seeks marriage must find a still rarer man or woman to wed, to make such a three cornered comradeship a permanent success.
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would the still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?
If I break the laws of Physics do I go to jail?
Will you die if you get scared half to death twice?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, than who is the fool who said, “Quit while you’re ahead”?
Sooner or later doesn’t EVERYONE stop smoking?
Why can’t we make newspapers that don’t smudge?
Why doesn’t onomatopoeia sound like what it is?
If you choke a Smurf what color would it turn?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word lisp to have a s in it?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation or a murder?
Why does the psychic hotline ask for your credit card number? Shouldn’t they already know it?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone is going to clean them?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
What’s another word for thesaurus?
If you throw your pet cat out the window of your car does it bec0me cat litter?
Why is it called a TV “set” when you only get one?
How did a fool and his money get together?
Why is it that when you are driving and looking for an address you turn the radio down?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why is it that when you transport something by car it is called a shipment but when you transport something by ship it is called cargo?
If you have an open mind is there a chance your brain might fall out?
If the entire world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
Why in a country with freedom of speech are there phone bills?
Why is it that when you tell a person that there are 400 billion stars in the sky and he’ll believe you, tell him a bench is wet and he has to touch it? ,
How do I set my laser printer on stun gun?
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
Who really took the bite out of the Apple logo?
Why when you say a color a lot does it start to sound really strange?
How many licks does it really take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
If 75% of all accidents occur within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?
If the cops arrest a mime do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Isn’t the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?
If it is zero degrees outside today and it is supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
What does Geronimo yell when he jumps out of a plane?