5 DEADLY TERMS USED BY A WOMAN ~

July 27, 2011

1. FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when she knows she is RIGHT & YOU need to SHUT UP.

2. NOTHING: Means SOMETHING & you need to be WORRIED.

3. GO AHEAD: This is a dare, not permission , do NOT do it.

4. WHATEVER: A woman’s way of saying FORGET YOU.

5. THAT’S OK: She is thinking long & hard on HOW & WHEN you will pay for your mistake.


391 Places for Free Books Online

July 10, 2011

This is a listing of 391 sites that legally offer free books (eBooks) for download or for online viewing.

Amplify’d from www.techsupportalert.com
AllRomanceBooks  lists 169 free romance ebooks for download.
Bedtime-Story has a large collection of illustrated books for online viewing.
Bored.com has over 15,000 books available for online viewing.
Classic Reader offers thousands of free classic books for online viewing.
eBooksWorld claims to be the world’s largest free ebook directory. 
Ellora’s Cave  offers 80  free romance reads for download.
Gutenberg – Over 25,000 books for download there and over 100,000 available through their affiliates.
HowTo offers around 150 free “how to” ebooks on a wide variety of topics. 
ManyBooks – 22,000 books available for download in a variety of formats.
Munsey’s – Over 18,000 ebooks available in a variety of formats
OnlineComputerBooks – Good selection of free computer books
Racy Li  offers the racy (18+) novel, “Demon Rescuer” for download in pdf.
WordIQ Nice collection of over 10,000 books available for online viewing. 

Read more at www.techsupportalert.com

 


101 Romantic Ideas

April 1, 2011

Some are cheesy, some are cliché, some were really great, unusual ideas.

Amplify’d from www.scribd.com
IDEA # 3


 


On a special occasion, buy your partner eleven real red roses and oneartificial red rose.  Place the artificial rose in the center of the bouquet. Attach a card that says: “I will love you until the last rose fades.
IDEA # 34


 Buy some rose petals and place them behind the sun visor on the passenger side of your car.  Take a post it note and write, “I Love You” on it and stick it tothe back of the sun visor. As you are driving to a romantic destination, look at your partner and tell her she has a mark on her cheek.  She will pull down the sun visor to use themirror and be showered in rose petals and see your note
IDEA # 56
IDEA # 56


 Next time you order a pizza, ask to have it cut into a heart shape before it isdelivered to your home
IDEA # 80


 Give your partner a magic gift box.  Every month, place a new small gift in thebox for her to discover.

Read more at www.scribd.com

 


If a Man Wants You… (Things to Remember)

January 27, 2011

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that’s not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends.” A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.

Don’t settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.

Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are… even if he has more education or in a better job.  Do not make him into a quasi-god.    He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else’s man.

Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending…compromise is a two-way street.

You need time to heal between relationships…there is nothing cute about baggage… deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you…a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals…look for someone complimentary… not supplementary.

Dating is fun…even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr.. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes…when a man always knows where you are, and you’re always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.

Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Share this with other ladies….. You’ll make someone SMILE, another RETHINK her choices, and another woman PREPARE.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

Birthday Wishes

October 18, 2008

I miss him.

As my birthday approaches, he is the only gift my soul desires.

I miss the days when we played in the sun. I miss our time at the lake, and fishing with him, and that look on his face when I hooked the biggest bass of my life – so huge I freaked and tried to make him take the pole, but he just howled with laughter and made me do it on my own. I miss the countless hours we spent driving the winding back roads, taking in the scenic beauty, away from the world, talking and laughing. I miss the waterfalls, the hikes, and the woods. I still smile at the way he looked when I ran that crazy, rabid looking bat out of the little store, and I still cringe when I think about him hanging upside down from that tree over the side of the cliff.

I miss the evenings at his place when he would read to me from his Grandfather’s journal. I miss dinner with his family, and those fabulous meals his mom would make while his dad worked on homemade candy for later. I miss throwing darts with him, and listening to his stories. I loved watching him – the intense, animated way he would tell them- making me feel like I was there when it happened… a part of the story.

I miss the nights we spent watching t.v. in bed, with Mona the cat jealously trying to edge me off the bed. I still think about the night we took a blanket to the field to watch the meteor shower. I made a dozen wishes on a dozen shooting stars that night, and I remember every one, which is really quite amazing considering how many beers we had that night. I miss the feeling of safety, security, warmth, and love I fell asleep with every night, laying there next to him. I miss waking up in the middle of the night, and loving it because I got to lay there and stare at him, memorizing everything about him. I miss the scent of him. I even miss his snoring.

I miss the mornings the most. I miss waking up next to him. I miss our morning banter over coffee as we reminisced about the day before and made plans for the day ahead. I miss waking up, and looking at him, and knowing that for that day, we were still together, and I tried not to think ahead to the day I would fly back home, or the days thereafter.

It’s been over a year since I’ve seen him in person, but I see him everyday in my mind, and every night in my dreams. I wish he didn’t haunt me so. I feel his presence when I’m alone in the woods, and hear his laughter in the wind.

No matter how much two people may want the same thing, sometimes love just isn’t enough, and dreams simply don’t come true. They remain what they are… just dreams.

I miss him…my lover…my strength…my best friend… and my birthday wish is for him.

I wish him love. I wish him inner peace. I wish him a lifetime of blessings and happiness.

*and with these wishes, she closes her eyes, and blows out her candles*


I bet you didn’t know….

April 24, 2007

Did You Know…..?

Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented.
It was ruled “Gentlemen Only…Ladies Forbidden”…and
thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

——————————————-

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime
time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone. (Lucy and
Ricky were only allowed twin beds. Remember?)

——————————————-

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the
U.S.Treasury.

——————————————-

Men can read smaller print than women can; women can
hear better.

——————————————-

Coca-Cola was originally green.

——————————————-

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

——————————————-

The State with the highest percentage of people who
walk to work: Alaska

——————————————-

The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now
get this…)

——————————————-

The percentage of North America that is wilderness:
38%

————————————————————————————

The average cost of raising a medium-size dog to the
age of eleven: $6,400

————————————————————————————

The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in
any given hour: 61,000

————————————————————————————

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their
hair.

————————————————————————————

The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom
Sawyer.

————————————————————————————

The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile
National Monuments.

————————————————————————————

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a
great king from history:

Spades – King David

Hearts – Charlemagne

Clubs -Alexander, the Great

Diamonds – Julius Caesar

————————————————————————————

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
(Awesome)

————————————————————————————

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has
both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air the person
died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the
horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died
of natural causes.

————————————————————————————

Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence
on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of
the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature
wasn’t added until 5 years later.

————————————————————————————

Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?

A. Their birthplace

————————————————————————————

Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most
popular boat name requested?

A. Obsession

————————————————————————————

Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you
have to go until you would find the letter “A”?

A. One thousand

————————————————————————————

Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield
wipers, and laser printers all have in common?

A. All were invented by women.

————————————————————————————

Q. What is the only food that doesn’t spoil?

A. Honey

——————————————————————————–

Q. Which day are there usually more collect calls than
any other day of the year?

A. Father’s Day

————————————————————————————

In Shakespeare’s time, mattresses were secured on bed
frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the
mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on.
Hence the phrase……… “goodnight, sleep tight.”

————————————————————————————

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years
ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride’s
father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead
he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their
calendar was lunar based, this period was called the
honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

————————————————————————————

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts..
So in old England , when customers got unruly, the
bartender would yell at them “Mind your pints and
quarts, and settle down.”

It’s where we get the phrase “mind your P’s and Q’s”

——————————————————————————-

Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a
whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their
ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the
whistle to get some service. “Wet your whistle” is the
phrase inspired by this practice.

————————————————————————————

In the 1400’s a law was set forth in England that a
man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no
thicker than his thumb. Hence we have “the rule of
thumb”

——————————————- —————————–

~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~

————————————————————————————

At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick
their elbow!

————————————————————————————

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2007 when…

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in
years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your
family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next
to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends
and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell
phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in
the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at
the bottom of the screen..

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which
you didn’t even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years
of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn
around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before
getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. 🙂

12. You’re reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are
going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this
list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there
wasn’t a #9 on this list.


The WORST Pick Up Lines EVER!

April 9, 2007

So I asked a few folks to gimmee the best…er…worst…pick-up lines they ever heard (or used), and here are the results. Feel free to add on!

“Baby, I bet you’re just like a Snickers… you could really satisfy!”

“If you were a car door I would slam you all night long.”

“Can I please be your slave tonight?”

“So, what are the chances that we can engage in anything more than just conversation?”

“Baby, I would do more things to you than MacGyver in a “Do-It-Yourself Shop”.”

“I don’t know what you think of me, but I hope it’s X-rated.”

“You’re clothes would sure look good on my floor!”

“You remind me of a championship bass–I don’t know whether to mount you or eat you! ”

“Hi, I’m writing a term paper on the finer things in life. Can I interview you?”

“They say everyone has a star and yours must shine the brightest!”

“Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by you again?”

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I’d like to be holding you tonight”

“Do you have sex with strangers? Then allow me to introduce myself!”

“I’m feeling off today, would you mind turning me on?”

“All those curves and me with no brakes”

“Excuse me…do you have a band aid? I scraped my knees when I fell for you”

“If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I’d be walking in my garden all the time.”

“What do you say we go behind a rock and get a little boulder?”

“Your body must be VISA, because you’re everywhere I want to be.”

“Are you a parking ticket? You got “fine fine fine” written all over you!”

“They say sex is a killer. Want to die happy?”

“Picture this…..you, me a bubble bath and a bottle of champagne”

“Would you meet me in the courtyard at midnight? I’d like to see which is more beautiful, you or the moonlight.”

“I’m a recruiter. Why not come over to my place and be all you can be?”

“You’re so hot you make fire sweat!”

“You may not like me now….but you’re drinking BEER”

“If beauty was crime, you’d be in for life….”

“Wanna go halves on a baby?”

“Hey there, how would you like to wear those clothes to work tomorrow?”

“I love every muscle in your body …..especially mine”

“I couldn’t help but notice I was staring at you….”

“You like Pop Tarts?
Because that’s what we’re having for breakfast tomorrow.”

“Damn girl, you could knock the stuffin’ off an egg McMuffin.”

“HI I AM THE ONE THAT HAS BEEN STALKING YOU FOR THE LAST YEAR AND TRIED TO KILL
YOU 10 TIMES SO GO OUT WITH ME OR DIE.”

“Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you. ”

and even more stupid shit we’ve heard or said…

Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!!

If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.

Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!

Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

Baicarumba…are those real?

Be unique and different, just say yes.

Can I flirt with you?

Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.

Do you know karate? Cos damn it honey, your body is really kickin.

Excuse me. I’m from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I’m going to have to ask you to assume the position.

Gee, that’s a nice set of legs, what time do they open?

How do you like your eggs in the morning? Scrambled or fertilized?

Just call me milk, I’ll do your body good.

Your body’s name must be Visa, because it’s everywhere I want to be.

Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.


My Friends “To Do List” for When I Die

January 31, 2007

OK… so most of you know this already, but it never hurts to reiterate, since we were probably drunk when we had the original conversation…

When I die, do NOT bury me, CREAMATE me. I’d prefer a huge funeral pyre blazing on a make-shift wooden raft right around mdnight in the middle of a picturesque lake located in a beautiful valley and surrounded by rugged mountains, and thanks for asking. Yeah, yeah, yeah….. I know… how often did I ever get exactly what I wanted out of life, and why the hell would I possibly expect it to be any different after I’m dead?

Do NOT put me on some somber display and mourn my death. Don’t cry, or try to be quiet with murmurs and whispers in what some call “respect”. If you love me, and know me at all, then you know I’d hate that. Instead, build a bonfire by the afore mentioned lake, party like you’re 21 again, plaster my picture on one of the kegs or coolers, and celebrate my departure. Be happy for me, ’cause i’ll FINALLY be far away from Wynne, with no chance of ever having to return. I’m pretty sure Amanda can supply you with the appropriate photo. She displayed it on her mom’s fridge for YEARS. Try to do it on some private property somewhere, with permission of the owner, of course, so the cops can’t bother you.

For the music, grab my cd case and crank up the volume. Sarah and Steve know my favorites. Hell, Sarah still has my absolute favorite cd, and Steve has copies of my top 50 tunes. LOL! But for the very last song… the epitaph… the eulogy… the final farewell… I want you guys to raise your glasses, flick your bics, smoke a fatty if ya wanna, and play “I’m moving on” by Rascal Flats. It fit me the first day I heard it, it fits me to this day, and it will still fit me when I’m gone. And yes, kimmie, I’d be thrilled for you to lace a hog-leg with my ashes and smoke me up, so I could be with you “forever and ever”. It might just be the sweetest, smoothest smokin’ thing you ever toked on!

Don’t think for a second you have to talk about “the niceties” of my life, or the rougher times I made it through. Instead, tell the stories of the stupidist things you ever remember me doing. Talk about my dumbass ideas, hair-brained schemes, off-beat ideas, and the goofy quirks I had. I once read “you are only as strong as the tables you dance on, the drinks you mix, and the friends you roll with”, so party hard, drink hard, hugg each other hard, and remember that i loved you, and would do anything for you. I’ll be with you always, and you’ll know when I’m there. I’ll be the thought that makes you laugh out loud in the middle of silence . When you trip over your own two feet, or lose sometthing you just sat down in front of you… that would be me fucking with you. When your watching porn and need to suddenly turn down the volume or go to a black screen because someones suddenly walking in unannounced, I’ll be the reason you can’t find the remote, the volume suddenly blairs and the power button is stuck. When you just can’t believe something that stupid happened… I caused it. I’ll also be the tune you find yourself humming, the $20 you didn’t know you had, and the dumb-luck that saved your ass.

So… don’t miss me when i’m gone, ’cause I won’t be!


I Was Wondering…

January 18, 2007

Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would the still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?

If I break the laws of Physics do I go to jail?

Will you die if you get scared half to death twice?

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, than who is the fool who said, “Quit while you’re ahead”?

Sooner or later doesn’t EVERYONE stop smoking?

Why can’t we make newspapers that don’t smudge?

Why doesn’t onomatopoeia sound like what it is?

If you choke a Smurf what color would it turn?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word lisp to have a s in it?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation or a murder?

Why does the psychic hotline ask for your credit card number? Shouldn’t they already know it?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone is going to clean them?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

What’s another word for thesaurus?

If you throw your pet cat out the window of your car does it bec0me cat litter?

Why is it called a TV “set” when you only get one?

How did a fool and his money get together?

Why is it that when you are driving and looking for an address you turn the radio down?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why is it that when you transport something by car it is called a shipment but when you transport something by ship it is called cargo?

If you have an open mind is there a chance your brain might fall out?

If the entire world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

Why in a country with freedom of speech are there phone bills?

Why is it that when you tell a person that there are 400 billion stars in the sky and he’ll believe you, tell him a bench is wet and he has to touch it? ,

How do I set my laser printer on stun gun?

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

Who really took the bite out of the Apple logo?

Why when you say a color a lot does it start to sound really strange?

How many licks does it really take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

If 75% of all accidents occur within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?

If the cops arrest a mime do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Isn’t the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?


If it is zero degrees outside today and it is supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

What does Geronimo yell when he jumps out of a plane?


To Love ot Not To Love????

January 18, 2007

“It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone… but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.”

“Love is good in feeling, even if you are always being hurt. It is better to be hurt by love than not loving at all”.

“To fall in love is awfully simple, to fall out of love is simply awful.”

“A kiss is something you cannot give without taking and cannot take without giving.”

“Marriage resembles a pair of shears, So joined that they cannot be separated; Often moving in opposite directions, Yet always punishing anyone who comes between them!” Sydney Smith

“Your task is not to seek for love, But merely to seek and find All the barriers within yourself That you have built against it.” Rumi

“Age does not protect us from love, But love to some extent protects us from age.”

“Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.” Aristotle

“My love for you is a journey; Starting at forever, And ending at never.”

“The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender.” Emil Ludwig

“The course of true love never did run smooth”. Shakespeare

“Love is like the truth, sometimes it prevails, and sometimes it hurts.”

“You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved, and you will never understand what pain really is until you have lost it.”

“You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.”

“What greater thing is there for two human souls that to feel that they are joined… to strengthen each other… to be at one with each other in silent unspeakable memories.” George Eliot

“Love Does Not Fail For You When You Are Rejected or Betrayed or Apparently Not Loved. Love Fails For You When You Reject, Betray, and Do Not Love”. Adi Da

“The most difficult thing to explain in life is the simplest truth called love.” Ramanathan Srinivasan

“Being deeply loved someone gives you strength, While loving someone deeply gives you courage.” Lao Tzu

“It has been wisely said that we cannot really love anybody at whom we never laugh”. Agnes Repplier

“Love is like war, Easy to begin but hard to end.”

“Look at time and distance as the essence of the understanding in realizing how price-less it is to have you”. Ronald Johnston

“Tell me whom you love and I will tell you who you are”. Houssaye

“How come we don’t always know when love begins, but we always know when it ends?”

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it..”

“We are told that people stay in love because of chemistry, or because they remain intrigued with each other, because of many kindnesses, because of luck. But part of it has got to be forgiveness and gratefulness.” Ellen Goodman

“Don’t find love, let love find you. That’s why it’s called falling in love, because you don’t force yourself to fall, you just fall.”

“What the heart gives away is never gone … It is kept in the hearts of others.” Robin St. John

“No three words have greater power than ‘I Love You’.”

How bold one gets when one is sure of being loved.” Sigmund Freud

“Today I begin to understand what love must be, if it exists. . . . When we are parted, we each feel the lack of the other half of ourselves. We are incomplete like a book in two volumes of which the first has been lost. That is what I imagine love to be: incompleteness in absence”. Edmond de Goncourt (1822-96) and Jules de Goncourt (1830-70),

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.

“The heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing”. Pascal

“Love must have wings to fly away from love, and to fly back again”. Edwin Robinson

“Love is when you look into someone’s eyes, And see everything you need.” Kristen Kappel

“The prerequisite for making love is to like someone enormously.” Helen Gurley Brown

“Love is that enviable state that knows no envy or vanity, only empathy and a longing to be greater than oneself.” Joe McMahon

“I am in love — and, my God, it is the greatest thing that can happen to a man. I tell you, find a woman you can fall in love with. Do it. Let yourself fall in love. If you have not done so already, you are wasting your life.” D. H. Lawrence

“Love is sometimes denied, sometimes lost, sometimes unrecognized, but in the end, always found with no regrets, forever valued and kept treasured.”

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times, in life after life, in age after age forever.” Rabindranath Tagore

“Love is the most beautiful of dreams and the worst of nightmares.” William Shakespeare

“A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; A woman loses hers after four.” kisses. H.L. Mencken

“Falling in love is painful on the knee’s” Bon Jovi